“The world is made for people who aren’t cursed with self-awareness. –Annie Savoy, Bull Durham, the movie
ERRRCH. This quote from the movie Bull Durham stopped me in my tracks.
I was listening to the book, “Church of Baseball,” a story of how the film came to be for my new book club in Cary. In short, a pitcher on a minor league team is coached by a phenom catcher who can’t seem to make it to the majors. Annie is a local who chooses a player each season to date and also advises the mental strategy of the game. The protégé successfully makes it to the “big show,” not really appreciating how he got there.
“The world is made for people who aren’t cursed with self-awareness.” Says Annie as she laments her situation and life in general.
I couldn’t help but connect the quote to our son. We know he cared a lot about others. We know he was hyper-aware of how the world works. At age three he was more socially aware than his five-year-old brother. We witnessed the kindergarten teacher allowing a student to pick a buddy to walk the attendance sheet to the office. His comment, “TJ isn’t friends with Jimmy because he didn’t get picked.”
I wouldn’t have made that association. That was the beginning of him seeing things so succinctly. Being able to assess a situation quickly is a blessing and, a curse. He was great at supporting others’ dreams and aspirations we learned from his friends. Many of them told us they looked up to him. He seemed to have it together, much like the catcher and Annie. Yet while doing everything seemingly right, he struggled inside, not getting where he wanted fast enough.
We’ve bonded with other parents like us, losing a child who saw the world as too cruel to live in it. Our children were intelligent, successful, and empathetic. They had friends. They played sports and set high goals for themselves. As parents, we like to believe we raised compassionate children who will be a positive impact in society. Some kids carry that torch a little more fervently. It’s their strength and their light, so much so they see and feel more than their young minds know how to process. It’s a cruel world out there and it’s tough to be a kind-hearted kid inside of it. I can’t help but think Annie’s quote could just as easily have come from the mouth of our son. It’s exactly how he would sum up his take on life.
And so, here we are, parents forever trying to understand, to make sense of a senseless situation. Framing and reframing our thoughts. To find deeper meaning from a poignant quote, in a movie neither of us resonated with, is surprising and delightful. Our new state of mind is wide open, the unexpected helpful to our healing and a message to enlighten others along the way.
I wish I could tell him, “Don’t look left. Don’t look right. Eyes forward. You will reach your goals, just not a quickly or directly as you like.”
P.S. The Durham Bulls games are fun and affordable. $19 seats and dollar hot dogs on Thursdays. The movie was filmed at the first Durham Bulls stadium, looking more like a high school baseball field. The new stadium uses an old-school scoreboard where someone behind it updates the numbers manually.
Old school manual scoreboard. LOL.
Looking across to Durham. This is real. Hubby’s phone takes crazy rich and colorful pics.
Thank you, Francie, for sharing this perspective. Love you!
Thank you Lisa. We are happy it our words are resonating with others. Sharing your thoughts keeps us motivated to keep sharing. 💜
Empathic hearts are precious! As Alex embodied. ❤️ Thank you for sharing, Francie. ❤️ Think of you guys often and am sending love.❤️
Thank you Carson for sharing your thoughts and love. It keeps us going.💜
Thanks for sharing. I’ll be watching the Oakland A’s play in West Sacramento.
Whoda thought a baseball film could inspire so much? Enjoy the game. Go As!
Thank you Francie for sharing the ways you are finding healing. I think of you all so often. Sending love!
Thank you so much Barbara. Your fervent following and support mean a lot.💜
Hearts with awareness of others and a gift of mercy in their spirit, towards others, I think lends to them feeling much more deeply that the rest of us. God created these individuals and their kindnesses, to make up for the rest of us that can be so oblivious. Seems the down side is they may take things too deeply to heart, and are hard on themselves. Giving grace to others, but forget to lend themselves the same grace. Alex is one of these rare treasures and opens me up to be more intentional.
Alexander is a rare treasure.💜💜💜
I read The Right Words at The Right Time years ago and the concept stuck. I understand why Bull Durham resonates with you now, and may not have at first. (Jeff and I connected with the coach/shower scene about raising boys to men.) Thank you both for sharing your journey, painful lessons, and generous insight into your kind and loving son. It matters. I’m listening and learning.
Oh my gosh Lisa. This means so much to know you are gaining insight. Our number one reason for the blog is to create awareness. I had to laugh about your connection to the shower scene.😂
Francie, thank you for sharing a snippet from the film and its meaning to you.
I miss you and your wisdom terribly! Be well 💜💜💜
So true, Francie. Thank you for this post. It got me. We think of you guys often. So happy you found a book club in Cary!
Thank you for continuing to follow. 💜 I know some info is not the most uplifting stuff, but hopefully it’s enlightening.
So true! Thanks for sharing your insight. 💜
Isn’t it though? I’ve thought about it for myself. If only my eyes were not so wide open..Ignorance is bliss…another way to frame it.
I love this, Francie. Thank you.
As always, thank you for your ongoing support. It keeps us going.💜
Love these thoughts – open mindset and vulnerable sharing.
Thank you for reading Anisha. It means so much to know others are taking something away from what we write.💜
Francie, Tony ~ I lost my mother in the same manner as you lost Alex. At the time, I had just turned 17. For you both to express yourselves and its impact on you and your family is in my opinion a positive, vulnerable yet brave therapy, that is nothing but powerful inspiration. Bless your hearts…
Thank you Shannon. I think the blog is two-fold: informative and therapuetic. Initially we wanted to share what we’ve learned to prevent others from the same path. Along the way, we are given an opportunity to process. Thank you for your support as that is part of our healing too.😊💜
That quote resonates with me so much, although, like you, the movie did not the first time I watched it. But wow, that quote and your final quote above-I missed the bigger message! I’m going to go back and watch it again. It’s wonderful that you are open to these messages that keep coming to you in unexpected places and I’m grateful you are sharing with us.
Yes, unfortunately the action parts takeover and it’s hard to pick up the subtext. I didn’t catch it in the film but in the audio book “Church of Baseball.” I can’t say I liked the book, but I’m glad I picked up something. thanks for reading!💜
Francie, what an insightful post! I never thought of empathy being such a double-edged sword, especially for the young. It’s such a strong reminder to stay present with the people in our lives, especially the ones who care as deeply as Alexander did. Thank you for continuing to share your journey of learning and healing!
Just when you think you’ve learned all you can, a new message surfaces. I’m glad it is helpful to you too.💜
The Durham Bulls Ballpark and its accessibility was one draw to this part of NC for us. It is a lovely place for a game. With no Major League Baseball, NC makes up for it with its abundance of Minor League teams.
“Bull Durham” is the start of a wonderful journey with baseball. Follow Kevin Costner through “Field Of Dreams” and then to “For The Love Of The Game”.
I look forward to our meeting.
I learned Bul Durham has quite the following. Some have named their kids after the characters! We love the area. So accessible! Thanks for following along.💜