Music and tragedy are mysteriously intertwined. Familiar songs you may have been listening to for years, maybe decades, suddenly take on a deeper meaning. These songs bond you to your fallen loved ones in a deep, soulful manner that only those who have experienced tragedy can truly identify with.
I started a Spotify playlist of songs that repeatedly surfaced on my streams or were somehow stuck in my head. One of these was “Under Pressure” by Freddie Mercury and Queen. Though I’ve been playing this track since college, I never really paid attention to the lyrics and now it is an anthem for him and our journey together moving away from the past. As my son touched others with song, and as I learn of them, I add them to his playlist and it is now a collection of connection that I will share willingly with family and his close friends.
In the early stages of grief, we were shocked and nearly in disbelief upon discovering that our departed son could use music as an instrument to communicate with us. In hindsight, this makes so much sense as music is a common bond shared amongst each of us in our family. During times of deep sorrow, I’d try to call him to me by lying in bed with earbuds firmly secured, and immersing myself in his music. He’d appear brightly in purple during specific lyrics, guiding me to listen intently at that moment to expose his message hidden in the lyric of that song.
My son was a deep thinker and his communiqués through lyrics were equally as deep. They often exposed the pain of his struggles on earth, expressed his love and appreciation for us, carried us through our stages of mourning and even served as missives for us to carry out his message to the people of the world.
Some songs that percolated up to me, however, didn’t seem to be gifts to me from my son but rather seemed backwards. I slowly realized that our connection is a two-way street, and I was manifesting songs back to him. The lyrics to these songs are so chillingly on point with my emotions and lost intentions, it is as if the music was magically penned from my own heart. It was months before I figured that out, but it warms me to know there can be an ethereal connection from me to him.
The music I curated for him brings sadness and deep feelings of yearning and longing to me. I embrace it, and as hard as it seems, times of sadness and reflection give me the highest chances of teasing out a visit from him. My hit rate was higher months ago, and now it’s much less frequent, but I’ll take what I can get.
I can’t explain it. It’s just what happens, and it’s all I have now to call out to my son.
I am both fascinated and heart broken by this post. Where words fail, music speaks.
Beautifully written, heart felt and sent on heaven’s wings.
Thank you for the kind words Pam. 🙏💜
Thank you for sharing. I feel your love. Sending love. Kristine
Thank you so much for connecting with us Kristine, much love to you too!
Beautifully stated, I couldn’t agree more.💜
Thank you Tony for sharing your grief journey and the power of music. I feel like I get to know Alexander a little more with each post. Sending love to all of you.
We learned so much about him after his passing, and in an odd way, we’re still learning. Love back to you Barbara, thank you for reading and sending love!💜
Beautifully written, thank you for sharing. Especially the last sentence tugs my heart something fierce.
Sending you all so much love💜
Thank you for reading Maarit, Love you guys back! 💜💜
Music is a beautiful way to communicate even in sorrow. Thank you both for sharing your journey.
It truly is Margy. Thank you for joining us here.💜
I love this post. So special and intimate. Music and lyrics definitely touch us in a way that nothing else does. Thank you, Tony for sharing this
Thank you for such kind words Linda, and for opening yourself to receiving what I’m sharing.
Love your post Tony! It was so powerful and touching. Music is such a great form of communication. 💜
Tony, I agree. I have one song “Fire on the Mountain” – by Grateful Dead that when I hear, my sister appears. I get so excited when it comes on the radio that I get to say hello to her and let her know what is going on in my life. Sending love and best wishes because I know it is not easy and that you are in the early stages. Thank you for sharing and I can tell you from experience that sharing is the best therapy next to music. Have a great rest of the week my friend.
Thanks for sharing Jeff, and I’m so glad you have that connection to your sister through that song, and my oh my, I don’t know that song but just judging by the title, how incredibly poignant! Peace my friend.
Oh Tony, this post is as beautiful as it is heartbreaking. Your introspection and connection between Alexander’s music and his struggles is so thoughtful and thought provoking. Thank you so much for sharing as I know so many of us will learn from you and Francie.
As always, sending love 💜💜💜
Thank you so much Liz. There’s much to breakdown and share, there’s more to come. We appreciate you joining us here on our journey. Love to you!💜🙏
I can relate to this connection in music, but hadn’t been able to put it into words. Thank you for sharing your deeply personal experience and allowing us in. This spoke volumes to me about my own grief. Thank you my friend. Love you 💜
Love you back Deb! I find music to be quite helpful working through grief, along with time and talking. I’m glad this post touched you in some way. 💜
So beautifully written Tony and yes, take what you can get 🤗
Thank you Patricia! 💜🙏
Coming across this post listening to Mipso “Broken Heart / Open Heart” (a NC band!) just hours after disembarking from a week of music on the Cayamo cruise. Such true words about the empathetic connections made through music. Sending love and light and continued growth and healing. ~Sarah (formerly Thompson) King, SF, CA.
Thanks for taking the time to share this band with us. That’s special and I’ll have to take a listen to them. Many thanks for sending your positivity. 🙏
This is so beautiful, Tony. May your shared musical connections with Alexander help you heal. You and your family are always in my heart!
Thank you for you kindness and thoughftulness Teresa, and I appreciate you taking the time to follow us here. Much love to you and the family!
So beautifully written, I love that music connects you spiritually to Alexander. I feel that existential connection to music and people too – it takes me out of my body and beyond the physical – just being is healing. 💜
That is a lovely thought Suzie, and well put. I feel the same, thank you for sharing that with us! 🙏💜
It is amazing how we connect through music for the first time even though the song is a classic. I hope you find many more songs to connect with Alexander the great.
So true! The songs we have are special and I hope for the same. Thanks for reading Max.
Tony
I truly believe in the power of music and am always honored when my sons share music with me. Music, lyrics, the way a violin or guitar strikes a chord can bring back memories from 40+years- it’s magic and it’s healing and also heartbreaking. Keep searching for the purple light, Alexander is always there. He always will be as long as you listen. Xoxo
That is so true and rings more true every day here. Thank you so much for sharing Emily, peace and love to you and the boys.
Tony, just beautiful. As you know Alexander introduced Chloe to his music and thus to our family….. Thank you for sharing. Music is amazing and powerful how amazing that your connection through music continues. Sending our love and thinking of you all everyday…..
Thank you for sharing Pam and for your love and thoughts, you are so kind.